Assignment 1: Birth of the Study Group

A common myth: One of the ways in which Profs ensure you do your studies like a good boy or girl @ ISB is by putting you in a Study Group. Wrong Answer Buddy ! You'll find the real answers in places where you look for them the least !

My study group met up at the Library on Friday to complete our first Group assignment. First thing when we met we decided to distribute responsibilities:

1. Prasanna: He is the Director - Logistics who ensures everybody gets to know what time we are originally planning to meet so that we can have it postponed as per our convenience.

2. Aastha: She is Director - Refreshments. She has been priveleged with the rights to arrange for resfreshments every 15 minutes for us.

3. Gaurav: He is Director - Common sense. He is the one who is supposed to collate the inputs, strip them into minute details and give the official 'go-ahead' for finalizing the answers only if they made sense to him.

4. Vishakha: She is Director - Communications of the group. After getting the go-ahead from Gaurav she is suppose to, in extremely neat handwriting, write down the answers on the assignment paper.

5. Myself have decided to take on the toughest job: Director - Credits and Blames. Yes I will take all credit for jobs well done and pass on the blame for assignments botched up to whosoever is willing to take it (within or outside the group).

It was all perfect. We were like Enid Blyton's Famous five unravelling the mysteries of Managerial Economics together. This way we tackled all the problems with great ease.  

Since we all realized the importance of "Bonding" we decided to take 4 hours for a 2-Hour assignment. In the end the experiement seemed to be working. 

1. Vishakha bonded to the white sheets she was writing on. 

2. Aastha bonded with the Tea cups from which she was drinking. 

3. Gaurav bonded emotionally to the Assignment (Excuse he used: I'll drop it in "alone" after the final answer makes sense to me)

4. Prasanna bonded to the desktop picture on his laptop which strangely was rotated 90 degrees and in which you could see all the different stuff he got while processing loans for different countries at World Bank. His sports shoes looked Pakistani, Wrist watch Vietnamese, Pants Italian, Shirt Thai and Sun glasses Hawaiian. But he never got bribed. Try and question his integrity and you'll know how he got all those 'gifts'.

 

5. I bonded to the notion of having a fixed audience of 4 people who have no option but to bear the brunt of my (poor) jokes !

But all of them seemed to be treading the paths cautiously as has the been the case with 500+ other people on the campus whenever they are around me. I wonder why ! 

Week 1: The Disability Week

Week 1: History ! Done and dusted under my bed (which the housekeeping will clear in an hour from now). The week that went by went off smoother than probably most of us expected. Each one had hyped it up to be a week when even peeing peacefully would be a luxury. From how it went by that was not even close to it.

It has been a week of self-disovery and disability. People kept discovering new ways of getting injured - twisting ankles, falling from bikes, falling after getting drunk etc etc. The Local Ferrari has been kept continuously busy. While others learnt that they were disabled in some way or the other. I saw a lot of people who were Statistically-Challenged, Economically-downtrodden, Financially-unstable & Marketing-Goofs. Talk about diversity ! 

Most slept through the time they should have been awake and were wide awake when they should be instead sleeping. Personally I discovered how life can be ironic. I coordinated and scheduled my Study group meeting and when the time came I was fast asleep in my room. 

I also saw the different forms of Class Participation (CP) on full display. You can categorize them as follows:

1. Desperate CP would think "Everybody has spoken atleast once. I have to say something else I'll get lowest in CP" and would say "Professor, I totally agree with him. *blah blah .. repeat the same points in Greek *"

2. Arbit CP would think "I gotta say something that must look intelligent." and say "Professor, you taught about Balance sheets today. What if it didnt balance, would you still call it Balance Sheet"

3. Infinite CP would not think. He would go on and on and on till somebody threw a short at him or the world came to an end.

4. Extra CP would say "Professor you ave asked us to read 12 chapters from XYZ book and come for tomorrow morning's class. Should we be also solving problems given in ABC book?"

5. After CP would run after the Prof as soon as class gets over and say "Professor, I wanna create a smart and intellectual image of myself in your eyes so can I ask you about something fancy that was in the Economic times today morning and is remotely connected to your subject"

I saw conversations shift from "Have we met? What is your name? Which Section are you in?" to "Dude, have you read the pre-read? Is it connected to what is taught in Class? How is the Prof ? Did you have a surprise quiz?"

The number of Club related SPAMs came down while "I lost my Name tag" mails hit the roof. Coffee sales hit a new high. Big long queues shifted from Goel Dining Hall to the Cafe. Swimming Pool saw more dunking than swimming.

.... and as for me I only sat and watched in amazement !

Eternal April

579 hyperactive strangers. One campus. Access to Student mailing list. Result: Madness

We had the a few people clogging the mailboxes by trying to take initiatives on Professional Clubs like Consulting, Finance etc as well as Social Club like Dance etc as well as new ones like Fight Club, Running club, Sports Club etc etc and then you have people like me who clog inboxs' with what may seem to some as Humor and SPAM to others. To compound miseries we have others hitting only the REPLY TO ALL button. Till now I used to attribute the hyperactivity on the emails here to the fact that we had 579 eager beavers on campus - each trying to take a new initiative. 

But thanks to some of my smart and fun buddies I was exposed to the fact that this was known phenomenon - famously referred to as Eternal September (the time when students would join B-Schools in the US). So though each person is variedly different from each other but collectively we do exhibit a similar trait. As we deal with this deluge of mails we learn about respecting others time and sensitivity (in short netiquettes) which shows that with experiences people smarten. 

I learnt my lesson the hard way yesterday how one little humor initiative leads to a whole lot of spamming and in turn leads to quite a few people getting pissed off. But all said and done, it does not matter what the intent was and what the result was, what matters is the ability to admit flaws and not repeat the mistake.  

Hope the chaos and disorder would die down within a months' time and people can look forward to seeing just a dozen mails (as opposed to about 100 mails) everyday.    

Poison Night & ISB Vellapanti Summit

If you thought that ISBians only knew how to study hard, think again, they party harder and have the most stimulating discussions known to humanity.

The other night a significant number of us decided to venture out of the Campus in search of some nocturnal pleasures before the Core term grind hit us. We had planned to go to COCO's in Jubilee Hills for a awesome night out. The place 'rocked' in the sense that the seating area was full of Rocks, pebbles and gravels. ISB truly rocks. I could see Section G guys / gals putting some of the rocks in their pockets. Parag D seemed to have brought his laptop bag only for that. As you might have guessed he was yet to get over the 'ISB Rocks' joke that his section had performed on Talent Nite. Hope he is at peace now. 

Reetu seemed to be very interested in the guy who was playing the music that evening. She was so smitten that she saw "Strawberries" everywhere. She now wanted to be a Strawberry farmer. Sindhu seemed to have put management to the back of the mind while she took census of all the sloppy and stingy people she saw. Hope she could get the count right in the dark. Rachita was there too though I havent seen her for a long long time and even this evening couldnt see her because it was too dark. But yes I heard her atleast if thats any consolation. In no time the place was full, in fact it was so crowded that Aviral & Neha couldnt even get down from their car downstairs and had to go back to the campus and drink away the sorrows in the comforts of their plush mansion on the ISB campus. So much for our management skills. I hear that back at their place, Nitin Vishwas got tipsy and wanted to shoot some pictures. Since he (as usual) didnt have his camera along with him decided to get innovative. Dont know how that went.

Back there at the Jubilee Hills, the inevitable happened and the whole gang split into multiple small groups. Our small group consisting of Ashwin Rambo, Hardik Rangeen, Hari Manjari, Lisa (pronounced as Lease-aaaa not Lee-zaaa), Mr. Class of TwentyTun Rishi (Doctor has asked him to drink Beer instead of water), 'Mobile' Innu (I always see her with the mobile glued to her ear ! Poor thing ! Who must have done this to her ? Cant have happened by birth !), Charlie's three married angels - Spriha, Soniya and Malavika, Kheer-ranjha Manish, Fluffy Ghosh and our own home-grown Jigniya Shah headed to "Poison" the pub. Being "ISB" definitely has its advantages in the outside world. The pub was not allowing any stag entry but waived off the requirement if you are Mr. ISB. So there we were ! But as soon as they saw me and Jiggy enter they immediately put up a warning sign on the dance floor.

At the pub there were other people too. One of the guys started hitting on Hardik. Hardik being very much the "straight" guy was feeling too awkward and embrassed. Thats were Hari Manjari stepped in with her Kung Fu credentials and what followed was an intense dishum-dishum Kung Fu panda style. Just when Manjari was losing the plot, the Shahs (Abhi & Jiggy) & Zorro started doing the latino-jiggy dance (Gujju freestyle) which distracted the other guy which was when Manjari landed the killer kick - straight to the jaw. The guy had to be admitted to Apollo. Manjari had won but not without paying a price - the final kick to the jaw landed very weirdly which resulted in major damages to her feet. The Doctor prescribed her to use the local Ferrari. She went for the driver's test but failed miserably. So they handed her a Learner's license and an ambassador instead of the coveted Ferrari. Last heard she was taking lessons from Tanya Schumacher.   

Today at Lunch we had the flagship ISB Vellapanti Summit outside 'The Cafe'. We had a Pav Bhaji fest on the table thanks to the foresight of Mr. TwentyTun. Rangeen used some of the Statistical tools that he was taught in class and combined it with some Quant funda given by Shouvik to come up with a magic order of 'extra' Pav. So if any of these guys are in your study group and have a case-study to do then do not trust these specific skills-sets that there outstanding students of ISB have. We also had Mr. Ashwin Rambo who has hit the gym so hard that he has grown muscles even on his ear lobes. Ms. Lisa (refer to pronounciation above & who was temporarily engaged to Mr. Mimoh ) was arguing as to how great food in Kolkata was compared to Mumbai. But she missed the irony that the Mumbaikars sitting on the table were looking well-fed while she was the only one who looked starved. I guess she must have only tasted the great Kolkata food but never eaten it.

Mr. Pankaj Poddar seemed to be in interrogatory mode. He wanted names and he wanted them fast. He was looking for those who had mailed the Core term Profs with their queries. The punishment in store is nothing less than capital. So all you loons who are guilty of this, this is your chance to run away as far as possible and hide yourself in the jungles because Mr. Poddar is coming to get you. This is the CLUB that you are most like to get.

The summit had to come to an premature end as the second half classes were about to begin.

And then there were Managers !

I had a very very weird dream last night. I felt I was in one of the world's top Business Schools - lets call it the Institute of Management Excellence. I saw that the students there were supposedly highly capable and mature ( The dream was hazy but I am guessing that the school had some work ex requirements). Initially the dream looked all rosy. I felt strangely good about it. Soon cracks began to surface in the dream.

You know what the problem is with having too many capable people at one place ? They are all trying to book some space for themselves. They have forgotten the fact that getting to that top school itself signifies that they were achievers. But everybody seemed to be hell-bent on hijacking whatever little space was available and establishing how great they were. They were trying to be Leaders. But a good leader is a great listener. But the scene was so pathetic that I saw none of the leaders even trying to 'listen'. I happened to barge into one of the Club meetings. I expected some serious action there but all I saw was a desperate sales pitch. One of the people who was supposedly mature (considering about a decade of experience) was asking people to guess the salary as per the latest payslip. 

In one more club meeting that I happened to barge into I saw people arguing against including one of the spouses as a guest lecturer. Why ? Because she is not a student. They had a better idea - talk about themselves. Splurge on self-indulgence. They wanted to talk about what they had done - coming from people who have not even spent 5 years in the industry. I say c'mon, how pathetic do you want to get. 

In whatever I can recollect of the dream it seemed like a really big school. People were already divided into Sections. Then I saw all the supposedly mature adults clustering and ghettoing hoping their individual inefficiencies would probably be covered up by the group as a whole. I also saw some section meets happening. Only loud ones were having things their way. No effort was seen to include or even consider the opinion of others.  The right to decision-making hand been handed on a platter to these 'wise' people. Every thing smacked of politics and opportunism. Some of the people were even organizing night-outs in the town. Taking an initiative is great but then not taking it anywhere further is sad. Everybody is out there to score brownie points. I saw only the sensible people sitting back and waiting for all these wanna-be dudes and dudettes to settle down.  

And yes, they were supposed to be future managers - the leaders of their field - future leaders of a country of 1 billion people and cant even behave mature enough in front of a audience thats not even 0.001 % - forget about being able to actually manage anything. Chaos and opportunism seemed to be the order of the day.

By this time I was tired of my dream and luckily woke up. I am so happy that I am at Indian School of Business and not any Tom, Dick and Harry's Institute of Management Excellence. I hope people here not what I saw in my dream ! Dont expect them to be !

Journey Home !

After changing my status from Ashley dude to ex-Ashley dude on close of working hours on Feb 20th, I finished my packing & got set to go home on 22nd. I was really looking forward to the vacation as this would be a good & decently long one I had after a long time. I had two heavy bags and a laptop (Thank God ! I had already shifted a lot of luggage home last christmas).

Well Mumbai is different than nearly all other cities. You start about 2 hours early and you still are not sure if you will reach the airport / railway station / bus stand on time - the city is so god-damn unpredicatble. My train was at 2.30 pm from Thane so I started at about 12.30 from my place. I had to first take a Auto and get to the Borivali Bus stand. I managed to find one right in front of my building gate. Stage 1: Accomplished ! I reached the bus stand by about 12.45pm and found the half-empty bus waiting. Boy ! This was my lucky day !


I got into the bus with my huge backpack, the suticase & laptop. I must have hit nearly all the passengers sitting at the aisle. I probably hit the world record for the maximum number of "Sorry" in a minute. It was almost like I was a AK-47 which had run out of bullets, so it was spraying "Sorry" all over the place. Considering my luggage I went and sat at the last seat but not without a Uncle trying to screw my happiness by pushing me and throwing in some taunts "to taste". Somebody must have forgotten to tell him that the entire bus goes to Thane and not just the last seats. So even if he sat a minute or two late he would still get a last seat and reach Thane. Finally I settled down and got slightly comfortable despite the terrible heat and the nauseating Uncle who probably had last cleaned his armpits when he spotted the Hailey's comet.

So I reached Thane station by 1.30 pm. An hour to go ! So in without a hiccup. Unfortunately my bags were real heavy, the sun was too cruel and the train would arrive at only Platform number 7. So I plodded my way through to the station, climbed the overbridge at Platform no.1 and got down at Platform no. 7. It took me ages to get there. And it was not done ! My coach would be stopping at the other end of the platform ! Aaarghhh ! By the time I reached the spot it was almost 2.25pm and I looked like someone who had carried a lifetime on his shoulders.

Train came and I hopped in. The momentum of the heavy backpack pushed me well into the Coach. Thank god the AC was working. I reached my seat and found three generations sitting in the same compartment. They asked me if I could shift to a seat they had on the other end of the Coach. I obliged happily but made sure it looked like a supreme sacrifice and a favour. Unfortunately I gambled away my Upper berth for a Middle berth. Now I was at the mercy of others as to when I could crash !

In my compartment there were two other girls - Ms. Brown eyes & Ms. Curly Hair. Ms. Brown Eyes did all the customary goodbyes at the station to her family and friends. Ms. Curly Hair was more worried about the dripping Coconut Oil from her hair. After the train started moving both of them decided to settle down. They arranged space for a endless number of bags - Big ones, small ones, shiny ones and fancy ones - it seemed like they had packed for a lifetime. Soon Ms. Brown Eyes took out a sheet of paper. My peeping Tom instincts ensured that I had seen the opening line well enough to know that it was a sentimental love letter-cum-good bye from her boyfriend. He seemed to have his homework well. He had googled the Top 10 or 100 (watever !) love quotes of all times and then conenction them with bullshit. So much for originality in Love ! Ms. Brown Eyes was all tears and I am like - WTF since she was wetting my blanket and pillow! Ms. Curly Hair probably felt that she was being left behind in this Oscar winning emotional drama, so she took out her cellphone and started looking at what seemed to me her boyfriend's pic. The floodgates had opened and my bedsheet had to pay a price for it.

I chucked the bedsheet away and took out my laptop to watch LOST. But as soon as I opened it suddenly Mr. Baake Bihari comes along from God-knows-where and tells me "Maine bhi Business ke liye Chota Kamputar liya hai ! Aap humko use operate karna sikha denge !" and I am like "Aap kaun hai?" to which he replies "Humare paas bhi ek laaptap hai. humko use chalana sikhaiye!". I bluntly replied "Mujhe sirf personal laptop chalana aata hai. Business laptop nahin aata!" He picked the clue and went away without testing my sarcasm anymore !

At this point of time Ms. Brown Eyes and Ms. Curly Hair had run out of tears to shed. They decided to technically challenge my laptop with their Ipod and they turned on "Slumdog Millionaire". I got bugged and I put off my Laptop without any furthet ado. This was not gonna be my day ! I was so wishing that I had Flying powers !

I got my special Misery top-up late in the evening when a Bottle of water fell on me from the top. And as luck would have had it, the cap was loose and I was wet. So much for havin' taken the shower in the morning ! Rest of the evening passed off without much glitches. Woke up next day morning at my destination fully confident that nothing else can compound my misery now.

But Fate has nothing to do with fairy tales ! As luck woould have it the approach road was undergoing repairs. So I had to lug my luggage for about half a km more. Reached home and found my Mom waiting for me like she always would - with a huge smile on her face. My Mom, I tell you, is like Jaya Bachchan of K3G ! She will know from a km that I am coming ! A warm hug greets me at the door along with the list of items that had been prepared for Breakfast for me ! Yummy ! Makes all the torture totally worthwhile !



There is no place on Earth like home !

Aitch Aaarrrggghhh (HR) !!

As most of you know I had put in my papers around last Valentine's day. As soon as I put my papers, my boss and my superboss convinced me to seek help from the HR ! They said they wanted to retain me post-MBA also and that I must talk to the HR to see if something can be worked out. Sounded good to me. I love my company and I know there are ample opportunities availabe within the company. 

The salary would definitely be lower than what I woud probaby get post-ISB but I for one have always cared for the quality of work rather than the pay attached to it. So I put a one-line email to the madam in the HR dept saying that I wanted to speak to her regarding my resignation. She replied the next day with her number and told me to call her up. I called her and explained the situation. She seemed very understanding and told me that she'll check my profile, job rating & my bosses's opinion before consulting with her boss and coming back to me with an offer. So far so good !

In the next couple days the HR madam informed me that they more than want to have me back at my company. I would get a position and pay commensurate with my potential and academic qualification. This sounded really good ! 

When I decided to get deep into all this, HR madam put me to her boss. Our conversation as follows:

HR Boss: Ask me what you want to ask. (Inside His Head(IIH) - Whatever it is better be good. My Kaafi is here)

Me: Sir, I have gotten into ISB. When I put in my papers my super boss put me onto HR madam. This is to work out for me something post-MBA that I can be part of the company. (Inside my head (IMH) - I am gonna be a MBA dude. You better have something nice to tell me)

HR Boss: What do you want to know? (IIH: Hurry up ! My Kaafi is getting cold !)

Me: I want to know details. (IMH: Duh? Are you even listening)

HR Boss: You have to go on a unpaid leave for a year. You will be coming back to same pay, same position & same location. Then we'll see your performance over a period of time and take a call if we want to promote you. (IIH: Yeah ! Take that you sucker for ruining my Kaafi!)

Me: What period of time are we talking of here? (IMH: It better not be more than 48 hours if you want me retain my sanity)

HR Boss: Cannot commit that to you. Can be anything. 1 year, 2 years or longer. It all depends on your performance. (IIH: Longer as in till your retirement you sorry piece of shit)

Me: Ok. But doesnt my higher academic degree mean anything? (IMH: Dude ! Am I stupid in putting 20 lakhs to come back to the same thing?)

HR Boss: No. It means nothing. You would not have contributed anything to the company when you are away. How can we justify your promotion? (IIH: Hahaha ! Now I have you on the ropes ! If qualification meant anything I would today be a peon drawing a annual 3-digit salary)

Me: Ok. (IMH: *Blank*)

HR Boss: Anything else you want to know? (IIH: Come on you smug! Now that my coffee is ruined I can do this all day !)

Me: No sir. I think I am done. Thank you for your time. (IMH: I give up. You win. Thanks a ton. You saved me from Harakiri, you moron !)

All this was a very disappointing experience. I have had good experiences with the HR before but this one surely spoiled everything. 

But at this point I realized that coming back to the same company would have disastrous. I mean what new would have I learned. I think I need the experience of extremely good companies to be able to come back to my company and straighten up the mess. Hopefully one day I can !

Is Desh mein aana LADO !

"Women have served all these centuries as looking glasses possessing the magic and delicious power of reflecting the figure of a man at twice its natural size." ~ Virginia Woolf

Belated Happy Women's day folks !! This day every year makes me thank god for his best creation till date !! And like all other good things, this might also come to an end soon if we dont wake up and see the truth. Sex ratios have only gone from bad to worse over the years ! With education progressing and literacy increasing we would have expected it to only get better but its not happening, atleast till now ! 

What would happen to the day when the Sex ratio would hit a critical point ?

1. Same sex marriages would be the norm of the day ! Man marrying woman might be a dream come true types thing ! We might have a lot of "Save Woman" initiatives floating around.

2. There would two kind of humans: Man and no-man !

3.  Women would replace eskimos in Museums !

4. Just to get into ISB, lot of guys would undergo sex change operation since the number of women itself would be so low (forget about the no. of applicants) that every 'woman' would get selected in ISB by default

5. Cosmetic companies would be taken over by Gillette.

6. Developed countries might offer Fair sex credit to developing countries in line with the Carbon credits

7. Men would have found a way to reproduce or simple adapt genetically to produce children ! When you might go for childrens admissions, on the admission forms instead of Father and Mother you would have Father (Fatherly) and Father (Motherly) ! 

8. Alternatively we might also see the legalization of Draupadization i.e. one woman marrying about 4 -5 guys. (Monogamy/ Bigamy will be banned). When you might go for childrens admissions, on the admission forms instead of Father and Mother you would have Father 1, Father 2, Father 3, Father 4 and Mother! And none of them would probably know who the real father is !

9. Breast milk might replace Oil as the most sought after liquid in the world. Wars cannot be ruled out !

10. Population of men would halve as 50% would die after eating what they cook

11. Economy would fall by 75% as No woman = No shopping = No economy stimulus !

........ and many more ! May seem funny but its true ! Need to spread the message far enough for it to even be remotely effective !

SAY YES TO GIRL CHILD !

Wedding Chronicles - I (The Bong Konnection)

"A man in love is incomplete until he is married.  Then he's finished." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

My best friend Subhodeep has been in love since the last 2 years nearly. So late last year he decided to move on and get married to the women of his dreams. It was a strange feeling to get the news from him. My chaddi dost was getting married. Had we grown old enough? I still remember us parking ourselves on the bus stops outside our tuitions and looking at nature's beauty. And now he was getting married !

Managing to go to wedding was tricky as I had urgent committments at work around the same time and plus with me quitting it was doubly tricky. But there was no way in which I could miss his wedding. Luckily even my other buddy and partner-in-crime Hradayesh was gonna be there so Subhu was gonna be screwed by his best buddies. I landed in Kolkata in the evening before the wedding day. Subhu had sent his car to have me picked up. So the royal treatment had started from the airport itself. 

The journey from the Airport to Subhodeep's home was fascinating. Kolkata is allegedly a metro and a one with some many amenities. For example if you are going for any function, you dont need a make - up as there is enough carbon in the air to decorate the face. There is also lot of dust just in case you needed to add the glamour quotient. The roads are amazing. They are based on the famous funnel design. The main roads are two cars wide. The approach roads are one car wide. Just to make sure the people there bond closely on the roads.  This is one city that needs too many flyovers (approach roads included). All cars there are dented even the Mercedes. The trucks and buses operating there seem as if they were bought when the first ones were made by the companies. Kolkata loves its heritage and culture. This is why they still have the old buildings which are very close to each other (some are standing only because they cannot fall i.e. well supported on all the 4 sides). Conclusion: Infrastructure needs a major overhaul ! So is Kolkata really a city of Joy ? Yes it is. Because the people are awesome. If you want to ever see how a content life is to be led then come to Kolkata and live with them. They are a closely knit unit who still pride in living life the simple way which is difficult to find in any other city.

It took me about an hour and half to reach my buddy's place. And there he was .. waiting for me at the window - all dressed up in a amazing kurta ! Then I was treated to a couple of awesome Bengali dishes: Rosogulla, Sondesh, 4 pc Maach and four huge tiger prawns cooked in authentic Bengali style. Then I had loochi ( 9 of them) and was very very full. Btw the Dulha is not supposed to be eating non-Veg before the wedding day. So he had luchi and curry. After which we retired for the day !

The Bong weddings are physically a torture for the Dulha. He is supposed to wake up at 4 am in the morning and then made to eat curd. After that whole day till the wedding is over he cannot have anything but fruits and Mishti. Oh man ! Imagine all the yummy food around and you are only allowed to drool ! Culturally a bong wedding is a amazing treat to the eyes. In the morning they pack lots of packets (about 63 here) which contains daily use items for the girl and the family (exhaustive - dresses, deo, powder and even comb). And there is a entire barrage of sweets. Also a first to me: a model of the mantap with the dulha-dulhan, family and the panda (priest) made out of sweets. Also a model of a house and farm outside it made totally out of the masala (or sounp that we have after food). Took all of that in 3 Tata sumos and delivered it at the girl's house.

From there I went to pick up our Dubai Sheikh Hradayesh from the airport filling him up on the action that he missed till now. We went to Subhu's place and were greeted by food again. Man ! I cant remember the last time I have stuffed myself to this level  before and I still wanted more. Its not everyday that you get to eat such awesome stuff. In the evening we reached the wedding hall ofcourse with the natural make up and glamour added by Kolkata's roads and traffic. We went in and surrounded the groom in his moment of glory. A weird note to add here: the groom's mom cannot attend the wedding. That sucks ! I wonder why such a thing exists ! People came and blessed him while we watched him put on his awesome Colgate smile. You gotta give it to him, its a tiring day but he still looked energetic.

Then the bride's father came and asked our Dulha to come and marry his daughter. Our Dulha was in for more torture as he sat in front of the havan with the smoke blowing on his face and being surrounded by so many people. It was a virtual sauna bath for the poor chap. The bride joined him an hour later and ditto for her. Soon it was time for the sindoor but the sauna bath had taken its toll on the dulha. Instead of applying it on the forehead he applied some on her nose as well. My best buddy had just lost his bachelor's degree !

The ceremony continued for some more time and soon it was time for dinner. Food was amazing again. Soon the Dulha joined. But the ceremony was not completely done yet. In Bong culture the first night doesnt happen on the first night. The first night the dulha-dulhan and their friends spend the night together playing games till late in the morning.

We commemerated that by first doing the Dhoti-haran of my buddy and his close cousin ! Then we played the dumb charades of B & C- grade movies like "Adhoori Kanya", "Sookhi Naali mein Murde ki Geeli laash" and many more. The rest as they say was history ! 

By 5am we called it a day. I and Hradayesh were supposed to catch the early morning flight at 8 so we woke up at 6.30 and scrammed to the airport !

All in all it was an awesome time ! Just too memorable for us ! 

Suburban Rail Madness !

The one very big upside of my job is that I get to travel all over Mumbai. This is the video i shot at Virar station just after peak hours were over. Notice how enthusiastically people get on to the train. I simply love it !

Short term Memory loss Service Engineer

This is how a Service Engineer with short term memory loss would be like. 

Things I am likely to hear at ISB !

This is my compilation of what I think will be one of the Top 5 lines in the introductory conversations between two people at ISB:

1. "Your posts at PG sounded smarter."

2. "I love your blogs. They have a better sense of humour than you."

3. "And to think that I was looking forward to meet you."

4. "Wow ! You look better than your orkut pics. I guess the camera does add 10 pounds."

5. "Since you were the first to volunteer for coordinating our pre-ISB lunches, why dont you volunteer to get dunked into the pool first?"

Smack D in the house !

Here I am ! Another milestone in my journey called Life ! The ISB-MMX bloggers war 1.0 is asking about the journey. (Deadline has passed ! But ki farak painda hai !) 

Getting into ISB was not easy ! It involved lot of planning and execution from others for me to get in. I paid my friend to prepare for GMAT on my behalf while I sat and finished 5 seasons of "Two and a Half Men". He had done a fine job coz I scored 720 though all that my other friend who wrote the GMAT on my behalf did was click the mouse. 

Then my roommate created a login for me at ISB and completed majority of my application details in exchange for letting him use my laptop to book his honeymoon travel. Then came the difficult part - Essays !!

Essay 1: Three reasons why ISB should take me

I asked my rival colleague to write it for me so that his biggest competitor is out of his way doing an MBA.  And Boy !! He did oblige gleefully and wrote it with intense passion.

Essay 2: Speech for GSB President

I asked my best friend to do it for me. He is full of shit and still has so much crap to offer to the world. So I thought why not give something to ISB. 

Essay 3: Zumba essay

For this I asked my Uncle who is a speech writer for the local MP. Crappola is his domain of expertise. He filled it up with so much of empty promises, blah-blah that ISB Adcom would have given a standing ovation after reading this one. 

Reco 1: This was the best way for my boss to get rid of me without looking evil and what a fine job he had done (for once!). If he had written even 10% of it for himself during the time when he was trying to crack MBA then he would have made it to Harvard.

Reco 2: This was the most expensive of all. I had to treat my colleague to a lunch at "China Valley" to write this one for me. And he didnt let the Fried Wantons down !! 

For the application fee I sold some of the shoes and sandals people had thrown at me all these years. I had made so much of money that I saved enough for the acceptance fee as well. With a application like that ISB couldnt ignore a candidate like me. 

My interview was in the evening at about 7. It lasted about 40 mins coz the Samosas took time to come. My application was so strong that they didnt have to ask me a question. 

As expected I got a mail from Mr. Menon saying that I was admitted to the Class of 2010. Hurray !! Hats off to all of you who worked behind the scenes for me !

Now I am looking for someone who will study the course for me and do the pre-reads, assignments and case studies. Are you interested ? 

Me about myself

What sense does it really makes to describe myself?

I am too honest to lie,
and truth if revealed will create havoc.
When I was 8
Someone pushed me into a pool
And when I was 15
someone I didn't know spat at me
And when I was 17
someone I had never spoken to punched me
And when I was in between and all around
I was in between and all around
But most of the time just plain amused,
And these things are meant to do you some good
And what I'd like to know is
Did they ?

Because if not
I want my money back !!

Why the world needs a Superman !

In the lead up to the final scene of Superman Returns, Lois Lane sits in front of her computer, at a loss for words staring at her Pulitzer Prize winning editorial, titled “Why the World Doesn’t Need Superman”.  — a article she writes after feeling betrayed by Superman. After meeting Superman she is able to deal with her emotions and towards the end she writes the opposite one titled: "Why the World Needs Superman”

What if we had to answer this question? Do we need Superman? Yes we do more than ever. We need him for his lack of cynicism, unadulterated committment, his heroism, his decency, his kindness, and his innocence. In a world full of darkness and selfishness, violence and despair, we desperately need the last man capable of being such a true champion.

The Mumbai terror attacks have given birth to an unprecedented feeling of helplessness. It is extremely frustrating to see that our security in the hands of those who care least about us. A issue garners importance only if it can garner votes and not neccesarily for the betterment of the poor and needy. 

The world needs a leader not a politician and Superman is the kind of leader that we need. Somebody whose conscience is not corruptable. Somebody willing to put himself in the line before letting harm come your way. Somebody who is not in there with the motive for revenge arising out of past sorrow / angst. A true leader like him wouldnt see caste, religion, race or sex before reaching out. Superman posses all of the honesty, and virtue that seems to have either been lost or forgotten in today's society. He is the first, the best, and the character that we as human beings should all aspire to be more like.

Australian W(h)ine

"Often we find ourselves with hands on hips waiting for someone to either face up or someone in the sightboard to move away; all the little frustrations that happen in Third World countries and the heat as well." - Matt Hayden

This comes from a guy whose credential includes: 

1. Blaming the 2005 Ashes loss on God.  

2. Expressing disappointment after getting bitten by a dog. 

3. And let's not forget his arrogant sledging the English after they took the Ashes.

4. Forgetting conveniently that he hails from Queensland which is hotter than India. Is the stadium there air conditioned?

"I have said since I got back that there are a host of things that conspire against you in India. It is a hard place for fast bowlers to keep running in and get through their overs, The sightscreen and spectators play more of a part than they do anywhere else in the world. Their batsmen take up a lot more time than most opposition batsmen do. I mean runs cost you time as much as anything else. When a lot of boundaries are being scored that slows things down a lot" - Ricky Ponting

Well Mr. Ponting, 

1. India is a hard place for fast bowlers regardless of their nationality. If it was so hard on your fast bowlers then what about our fast bowlers who are not as fit as your bowlers.

2. Sightscreen play a part?  Which part ?? The part where you are looking for a place to hide and make ridiculous excuses. What different are Indian Sightscreens are to any other sightscreen?

3. Do our batsmen go and pee in between balls? They have the same 'facing' as your batsmen. If our batsmen were delaying I find it surprising that the Match referee didnt notice it. 

4. Now you blame everything on the boundaries being scored. The remedy lies with your bowlers. If they didnt bowl lollipops like it was some kind of wholesale we could have saved about 3 days each test match.

Is it that tough to accept that a better prepared team beat you fair and square. We didnt need a Sydney or Bucknor to beat you. We didnt put you on dust bowls. We didnt use illegal tactics by levelling false complaints and accusing you of being racist. Like Bhajji said while you and your teammates were busy giving bakwaas gyan by writing books and indulging in fishing the Indians were preparing hard. And this showed on the cricket pitch too

Salute the 'Real' Heroes

26/11 Terror has shaken not only India but the world itself barring 9/11 like never before. Bomb blasts have never stopped the Maximum city in its tracks. Everytime a bomb blast happened the spirit of Mumbai was back up the very next morning in full steam. 

But this attack has been so different purely because of its cold-blooded nature. But thanks to a few Heroes things couldnt get any worse. This post is aimed at thanking the 'real' Heroes as mentioned below:

1. Politicians: Though our politicians are always dignified in their conduct but this time they took the cake. Banners all over Mumbai 'saluting the martyrs' in which photographs of politicians were larger than the 'martyrs' themselves. Even in moments like this all they could do was blame each other. The Dy. CM of Maharashtra also went to the extent of declaring that this attack was only a minor issue. Our Narendrabhai had even declared 1cr as aid even before the operations were anything close to getting over. Politicians are model role models as to how one must try and extract mileage from any tragedy.

2. Visual Media: Our responsible media was at its best during the entire episode. They excelled in sensationalizing tragedy. They reported in a absolute sensitive manner by showing scant respect to survivors ,dead people and their bereaving relatives. They helped the entire saga get more interesting by giving away the location of our security forces in the building. They helped reduce the population of India by abetting the murders of some of our Top Security personnel. 

3. Balasaheb Kaka : A special mention. The Sainiks dont think twice before vandalising any place but were no where to be seen during the ghastly attacks. Maybe they dont have the experience to fight when opposite person is unarmed. In that case can somebody request terrorist to come unarmed next time or ask Mumbai people to carry weapons. Sainiks can be as good as NSG. 

4. Raj Chacha: A special mention again. He didnt seem to have an issue over the NSG being airlifted from Delhi and if I am not wrong none of the NSGs were Marathi Manoos. So none of the MNS guys interfered in the operation. But next time please request that any anti-terror operation in Maharashtra will have to be carried out by Marathi Manoos only. Also please take up with ISI / LeT suitably to ensure that any terrorist attacks on Maharashtra will be carried out by Marathi Manoos only.  

5. Pakistani Army / ISI / Govt. : You risked your reputations by sending these terrorists. So you too are a hero. On the battlefield you are reputed to the proverbial losers who run off with tails tucked between the legs. But the terrorists didnt let you down. When one of them was caught he said "I want to Live!". So did the hundreds of innocent you killed but I guess you couldnt hear them because of the sound of the guns you were firing.

There are a lot of heroes but these stood out. So I made my gratitude to them public.

Maximum City ! Maximum shock !

I have stayed in different places in India. But the culture shock when I moved to Mumbai in 2007 was unmatched. Mumbai is not more crowded than Chennai or even Calcutta, during peak hours. But I quickly found out that it’s always “peak hour” in Mumbai. I wondered if people ever got comfortable with perpetual rush hour - 21 hours a day. Also the people around here always seem to be in a hurry. Nobody seemed to have time to exchange pleasantries.  

 The distances seemed endless. In any other city I would have been out of the city within an hour. Here it took me 2 hrs just to reach my office. I was also shocked by the extreme poverty and ridiculous opulence standing side by side in Mumbai. Walking down the street, I am likely to pass someone who earns nothing, then someone earning Rs. 100 a day, then someone earning Rs. 20000 a day.

 My biggest - and least expected - culture shock happens when I went back to my native city – Mangalore. Everything around seemed to be moving a snail’s pace. It took me three days to get over how fast life is in Mumbai.

 All in all, it does take a while to adjust to being in Mumbai but rest assured, most people start feeling more comfortable after a couple of weeks. Before long I found myself falling into a love-hate relationship with the maximum city, its frustrations and its strange appeal.

Rock On

"Tum ho toh gaata hai dil ..... tum nahin toh geet kahan" - screams my junior's status message on Gtalk !  At first I didnt get what it meant but it didnt take long enough for me to realize that it was the lyrics of "Rock On". Just like him several other friends of mine too had "Rock On" lyrics as their Gtalk status message. Never had I seen any movie finding its way to so many status messages. 

Makes me wonder what was the one thing that made this movie different enough to capture the imagination of so many cool dudes and babes !  Being an guest expert in Behaviourial Sciences it surprising to me that so many people had fallen to the movie's charm though the movie had no Bikini scenes, kissing scenes, item numbers, running around trees, villain, the customary dishum-dishum  or SRK !!

For me it was the mature way in which the story was handled with the kick-ass songs. Unlike other Bolly movies it didnt show Rock stars as badly dressed drug sniffing over-tattoed morons. 

But what was in it that clicked for you ?.....................  Socha nahin toh socho abhi !!

The Art of insecure living

Last to last week a girl committed suicide because she was dead convinced that the world was doomed to be destroyed because of the big-bang experiment !! 

You wouldn't blame her for being outrageously stupid in doing it because the news channels were reporting it in the manner as if there was no tomorrow. Some of them even had the B-grade music in the background to announce the "pralay". That was a classical of journalism in India having gone to the dogs. Sensationalism had replaced common sense !! Take any god damned story, add some black magic music, show goddess kali and a sensationalizing reporter and you get a sizzling Bullshit determined to scare the hell out of you.

They say journalism mirrors the society. Do we as a society like to live in fear ? be constantly reminded that the world outside our homes is dangerous ? There are already enough real issues I dont think we need any 'engineered' ones. If we are destined to die .. we will ... even in the 'safe' 4 walls of our home !! 

There is no denying about dangers lurking around the corner but i dont want a hairy nincompoop telling me that on national television !!!