Dear Raj Chacha

I fully support your "Divide the country" policy. Soon Maharashtra will consist of only Marathis. But then what political issues will you take up and garner votes when next election comes? Here are my suggestions which should keep you going for next 60 years atleast: 1. We should teach our kids that if he is second in class, he shouldn't study harder but just beat up the student coming first and throw him out of the school. 2. Parliament should have only Delhiites as it is located in Delhi. 3. Prime Minister, President and all other leaders should only be from Delhi. 4. No Hindi movie should be made in Mumbai. Only Marathi movies must be made here. 5. Buses, trains, flights should be stopped at every state border and staff should be changed to local men. 6. All Maharashtrians working abroad or in other states should be sent back as they are 'snatching' employment from locals. 7. Lord Shiva, Ganesha and Parvati should not be worshiped in our state as they belong to north (Himalayas). 8. Visits to Taj Mahal should be restricted to people from Uttar Pradesh (UP) only. 9. Relief for farmers in Maharashtra should not come from Centre because that is the money collected as tax from whole of India, so why should it be given to someone in Maharashtra? 10. Let us support Kashmiri militants because they are right in killing and injuring innocent people for the benefit of their state and community. 11. Let us throw all MNCs out of Maharashtra. Why should they earn from us? We will open our own Maharashtra Microsoft, MH Pepsi and MH Marutis of the world. 12. Let us stop using cellphones, emails, TV, foreign Movies and dramas. James Bond should also speak Marathi. Hope my brilliance benefits you like it did everybody else. Regards VS

Dear Gilly Chacha

I read excerpts of your soon-to-be-published book in all newspapers. And I found it deeply mota-vating i.e. it was so much crap that I didnt feel like anything shitty for the next two days.

Your motive is clean: to boost sales of your book - a noble thought ! But Gilly chacha masala was less !! We public want more tadka in the books to be attracted to read it। Also with more spice more reporters (newspaper and TV) would have allotted more space/air time to your stuff about culture। My invaluable expert advice below:

1. You should have accused Tendulkar of approaching you for fixing a match and offering you a complimentary vada-pav at his restaurant.

2. You should have accused Bhajji of being racist by calling Symmo "Bandar", Clarke "Pilla" and you "Billy".

3. Tendulkar and Bhajji forgot to tell you that they dont shake hands after coming from toilet. You should have said they are forgetful (and not sore losers).

4. You should have emphasised on cultural difference by saying that while Indians use low floor "Sandas" the aussies use Western style toilets.

5. You should have disclosed that Michael Clarke was the epitome of Gandhigiri. He belives in playing hard (to get out) and standing his ground even when the catch is taken at 2nd Slip unless Umpire gives him out.

6. You should have written that Punter chacha had swapped the Bucknor Chacha's spectacles which is why he was umpiring exceptionally at Sydney. ICC could have implemented this elsewhere on trial basis.

7. You should have accused Bhajji of being gay and making passes at Lee chacha when he patted the bat against Lee's Butt.

8. I hope you have mentioned a lot more about the Sydney Test hearing as how yourself were honest in making different admissions in front of Match refree and appeals commissioner, how Clarke's admission was wrongly deemed "dishonest" and how Symmo was playing in sportmans spirit.

9. You should have also disclosed how Bhajji was hiding his baldness in the name of religion by wearing turban.

These are only some of the pointers। There are lot more. Maybe you can plan a sequel for the book and we can sit together and write it perfectly.

Regards

VS

'Raj'niti of Maharashtra Nav-tod-fod Sena !!

The last few days at Mumbai have been tense with Raj Thackeray's tirade against North Indians. I wouldnt wanna comment whether he is right in his thinking or not but the means he is using is definitely not right. As expected there is a uproar in the political circles against him. But what he is doing is anything new?

BJP, Shiv Sena, VHP and Bajrang Dal have been doing it since inception in the name of "Ram" and moral policing! What about Godhra, the recent violence in Orissa & Karnataka ? Were they 'acts of God' ? Were you not doing what Raj is doing? Was your intention any different than dividing the country?

Congress has been doing it though they have been smart enough to orchestrate the same behind the scenes. What was the reason for OBC reservations? Betterment of the people? or cheap votebanks ? Even at the cost of meritous students ! You go around claiming to be a champion of the masses but in reality you are nothing but glorified pimps willing to sell the country in the name of votes so that you can loot the government coffers and fill yours and send your 'meritous' children to US/UK to study.

RJD probably has the highest number of murderers in the party but hats off to them that they have the audacity to come out in public and ask the govt. to book Raj for murder. Thats the RJD way of saying "Welcome to the Club ! Now you are like one of us!". Everybody seems to be missing the point here. Why are people of Bihar forced to look for employment outside the state? Its because the Bihar politicians have thrived on keeping its masses poor & uneducated.

All this is a case of pot calling tthe kettle black. Politicians have thrived on divisive policies and violence to score cheap points. No matter who wins its the common man who loses. He is parts of "Tum hame vote do, Hum tumhe Takleef denge" offer. He offers his votes and the return favour is that he is beaten, has his cars vandalised, bikes burned, shops looted, wives and sisters raped .. in short his life is disrupted !

Time to do the ulta ! Common man should come to streets and start beating up politicians because he is not getting his roti, kapda or makaan ! Politicians have no idea on how they are damaging the country through their mindless cheap tricks to get votes. And they call themselves leaders ! Irony at its vey best !

Maximum City ! Maximum shock !

I have stayed in different places in India. But the culture shock when I moved to Mumbai in 2007 was unmatched. Mumbai is not more crowded than Chennai or even Calcutta, during peak hours. But I quickly found out that it’s always “peak hour” in Mumbai. I wondered if people ever got comfortable with perpetual rush hour - 21 hours a day. Also the people around here always seem to be in a hurry. Nobody seemed to have time to exchange pleasantries.  

 The distances seemed endless. In any other city I would have been out of the city within an hour. Here it took me 2 hrs just to reach my office. I was also shocked by the extreme poverty and ridiculous opulence standing side by side in Mumbai. Walking down the street, I am likely to pass someone who earns nothing, then someone earning Rs. 100 a day, then someone earning Rs. 20000 a day.

 My biggest - and least expected - culture shock happens when I went back to my native city – Mangalore. Everything around seemed to be moving a snail’s pace. It took me three days to get over how fast life is in Mumbai.

 All in all, it does take a while to adjust to being in Mumbai but rest assured, most people start feeling more comfortable after a couple of weeks. Before long I found myself falling into a love-hate relationship with the maximum city, its frustrations and its strange appeal.

Love is not blind, Its retarded - II

I received a lot of passionate mails on this. A few randomly chosen responses below:

Resp#1 :: "Idiot !!!"

Resp#2 :: "Retarded huh!I feel even if there is so much of misunderstandings that crop up for reasons that otherwise wouldnt have...When has there been a case that you have the cake and eat it too.."

Resp#3 :: "Hmmmm....Specially intended to me haan:-)"

What I could get from these responses is that the post was misunderstood to be some sort of anti-love campaign. Well people read the last paragarph one more time ! Anyways I was only disputing the popular notion that Love is Blind and not the feeling of love itself !

Love is not blind, its retarded !

They say Love is blind. You dont look before you leap. They say its a wonderful feeling to be in love. Makes you feel on seventh heaven. You can do anything to stay in love or win it. They say love makes you a better person. Love shows you the world you never thought existed. But there is a downside to it too.

People in love tend to act more foolishly than they would normally. Egos tend to be hurt more often than it would otherwise. Still we walk on the path like a donkey with a carrot held close to its mouth. The donkey feels the carrot is in its grasp in the same way how we feel about true love. We sacrifice so many things, our individualities, friends & hobbies. They say love completes you but it does not. It only gives you an illusion of completion. To sum it up we lose a part of our life that would have been dear to us at a point of time before love kicked in. People make themselves more vulnerable than they would any other time. I have seen people struggle for love, fight for love, destroy themselves and die in the name of love. And the journey seems endless ....

So the million dollar question is "Is love blind?" ... I say "No its retarded".

So is falling in love foolishness? Would I recommend not falling in love? No way ! I would recommend on the contrary. Love is a beautiful feeling though strangely our reasoning power goes for a toss. But no pain, no gain !! But dont go into Love kingdom expecting a fairytale.

Management Rules

1. Credit for a job well done travels upwards. The blame for a botched up job travels downwards.
2. Your bosses's KRA will be your achievements. Your KRA will be the failures.
3. Your exceptional reports that travel all the way upto top management undergoes major changes at only one section. The "Report by ________ " section.
4. Your Boss buys time by asking for data that he knows you'll struggle to get. Additional benefit: That way he gets to blame you for a bad decision.
5. No matter when you start on a assignment, regardless of simplicity or ease, you'll always finish at the last minute.

(Will keep updating from time to time)

Divide, Multiply and Rule

Of all mammals I believe humans are the most social and insecure species. The level of insecurity though not explicitly stated can be maddening at times and yet be completely unnoticed. Any given place, any given setting we are looking at ways to deal with our insecurities. On the outside we would like to be seen as strong and independent but the truth of the matter is that we all live in a world full of internal demons.

We are always trying to form groups wherever we go. And we dont stop at that. We look for ways to increase the people in the group and strangely succeed. Then one fine day you wake up and realize that the group needs sub-groups. Though all this is done in the name of diversity and need for different opinions and perspectives but the reality is that we are viciously addicted to "Divide, Multiply and rule". And there is no end to it.

Let me give you a example. Say, I go and work at the marketing department in a big MNC in US. There the first level of grouping of people will be done department-wise - Marketing, Product Development & Manufacturing. (I am not talking of professional division here. I am talking of people forming groups) Then second level will be within the department - Seniors, Juniors. Then the third level will be Americans, Europeans, Asians etc. Then the fourth level will be South Asians etc. Fifth level will be Indians, Pakis, Chinese etc. Sixth level will be North Indians, South Indians, East Indians etc. Seventh level will be Kannadigas, Tamilians, Andhraites etc. Eighth level will be North Karnataka etc. Ninth Level will be District based. Tenth level will be Caste based. And the list will go on ... from here on it is more and more customised. What complicates all of this is that all these are heavily interlinked. There will never be a clear distinction between sub-groups within groups.

So why do we do this? Why do we make our lives more complicated than it already is? Why do we look for "security" by making groups and sub-groups ?

I am just guessing nature has made us this way to spice up our lives (with politics, infighting, rivalry etc) !