Week 1: The Disability Week

Week 1: History ! Done and dusted under my bed (which the housekeeping will clear in an hour from now). The week that went by went off smoother than probably most of us expected. Each one had hyped it up to be a week when even peeing peacefully would be a luxury. From how it went by that was not even close to it.

It has been a week of self-disovery and disability. People kept discovering new ways of getting injured - twisting ankles, falling from bikes, falling after getting drunk etc etc. The Local Ferrari has been kept continuously busy. While others learnt that they were disabled in some way or the other. I saw a lot of people who were Statistically-Challenged, Economically-downtrodden, Financially-unstable & Marketing-Goofs. Talk about diversity ! 

Most slept through the time they should have been awake and were wide awake when they should be instead sleeping. Personally I discovered how life can be ironic. I coordinated and scheduled my Study group meeting and when the time came I was fast asleep in my room. 

I also saw the different forms of Class Participation (CP) on full display. You can categorize them as follows:

1. Desperate CP would think "Everybody has spoken atleast once. I have to say something else I'll get lowest in CP" and would say "Professor, I totally agree with him. *blah blah .. repeat the same points in Greek *"

2. Arbit CP would think "I gotta say something that must look intelligent." and say "Professor, you taught about Balance sheets today. What if it didnt balance, would you still call it Balance Sheet"

3. Infinite CP would not think. He would go on and on and on till somebody threw a short at him or the world came to an end.

4. Extra CP would say "Professor you ave asked us to read 12 chapters from XYZ book and come for tomorrow morning's class. Should we be also solving problems given in ABC book?"

5. After CP would run after the Prof as soon as class gets over and say "Professor, I wanna create a smart and intellectual image of myself in your eyes so can I ask you about something fancy that was in the Economic times today morning and is remotely connected to your subject"

I saw conversations shift from "Have we met? What is your name? Which Section are you in?" to "Dude, have you read the pre-read? Is it connected to what is taught in Class? How is the Prof ? Did you have a surprise quiz?"

The number of Club related SPAMs came down while "I lost my Name tag" mails hit the roof. Coffee sales hit a new high. Big long queues shifted from Goel Dining Hall to the Cafe. Swimming Pool saw more dunking than swimming.

.... and as for me I only sat and watched in amazement !

Eternal April

579 hyperactive strangers. One campus. Access to Student mailing list. Result: Madness

We had the a few people clogging the mailboxes by trying to take initiatives on Professional Clubs like Consulting, Finance etc as well as Social Club like Dance etc as well as new ones like Fight Club, Running club, Sports Club etc etc and then you have people like me who clog inboxs' with what may seem to some as Humor and SPAM to others. To compound miseries we have others hitting only the REPLY TO ALL button. Till now I used to attribute the hyperactivity on the emails here to the fact that we had 579 eager beavers on campus - each trying to take a new initiative. 

But thanks to some of my smart and fun buddies I was exposed to the fact that this was known phenomenon - famously referred to as Eternal September (the time when students would join B-Schools in the US). So though each person is variedly different from each other but collectively we do exhibit a similar trait. As we deal with this deluge of mails we learn about respecting others time and sensitivity (in short netiquettes) which shows that with experiences people smarten. 

I learnt my lesson the hard way yesterday how one little humor initiative leads to a whole lot of spamming and in turn leads to quite a few people getting pissed off. But all said and done, it does not matter what the intent was and what the result was, what matters is the ability to admit flaws and not repeat the mistake.  

Hope the chaos and disorder would die down within a months' time and people can look forward to seeing just a dozen mails (as opposed to about 100 mails) everyday.    

Poison Night & ISB Vellapanti Summit

If you thought that ISBians only knew how to study hard, think again, they party harder and have the most stimulating discussions known to humanity.

The other night a significant number of us decided to venture out of the Campus in search of some nocturnal pleasures before the Core term grind hit us. We had planned to go to COCO's in Jubilee Hills for a awesome night out. The place 'rocked' in the sense that the seating area was full of Rocks, pebbles and gravels. ISB truly rocks. I could see Section G guys / gals putting some of the rocks in their pockets. Parag D seemed to have brought his laptop bag only for that. As you might have guessed he was yet to get over the 'ISB Rocks' joke that his section had performed on Talent Nite. Hope he is at peace now. 

Reetu seemed to be very interested in the guy who was playing the music that evening. She was so smitten that she saw "Strawberries" everywhere. She now wanted to be a Strawberry farmer. Sindhu seemed to have put management to the back of the mind while she took census of all the sloppy and stingy people she saw. Hope she could get the count right in the dark. Rachita was there too though I havent seen her for a long long time and even this evening couldnt see her because it was too dark. But yes I heard her atleast if thats any consolation. In no time the place was full, in fact it was so crowded that Aviral & Neha couldnt even get down from their car downstairs and had to go back to the campus and drink away the sorrows in the comforts of their plush mansion on the ISB campus. So much for our management skills. I hear that back at their place, Nitin Vishwas got tipsy and wanted to shoot some pictures. Since he (as usual) didnt have his camera along with him decided to get innovative. Dont know how that went.

Back there at the Jubilee Hills, the inevitable happened and the whole gang split into multiple small groups. Our small group consisting of Ashwin Rambo, Hardik Rangeen, Hari Manjari, Lisa (pronounced as Lease-aaaa not Lee-zaaa), Mr. Class of TwentyTun Rishi (Doctor has asked him to drink Beer instead of water), 'Mobile' Innu (I always see her with the mobile glued to her ear ! Poor thing ! Who must have done this to her ? Cant have happened by birth !), Charlie's three married angels - Spriha, Soniya and Malavika, Kheer-ranjha Manish, Fluffy Ghosh and our own home-grown Jigniya Shah headed to "Poison" the pub. Being "ISB" definitely has its advantages in the outside world. The pub was not allowing any stag entry but waived off the requirement if you are Mr. ISB. So there we were ! But as soon as they saw me and Jiggy enter they immediately put up a warning sign on the dance floor.

At the pub there were other people too. One of the guys started hitting on Hardik. Hardik being very much the "straight" guy was feeling too awkward and embrassed. Thats were Hari Manjari stepped in with her Kung Fu credentials and what followed was an intense dishum-dishum Kung Fu panda style. Just when Manjari was losing the plot, the Shahs (Abhi & Jiggy) & Zorro started doing the latino-jiggy dance (Gujju freestyle) which distracted the other guy which was when Manjari landed the killer kick - straight to the jaw. The guy had to be admitted to Apollo. Manjari had won but not without paying a price - the final kick to the jaw landed very weirdly which resulted in major damages to her feet. The Doctor prescribed her to use the local Ferrari. She went for the driver's test but failed miserably. So they handed her a Learner's license and an ambassador instead of the coveted Ferrari. Last heard she was taking lessons from Tanya Schumacher.   

Today at Lunch we had the flagship ISB Vellapanti Summit outside 'The Cafe'. We had a Pav Bhaji fest on the table thanks to the foresight of Mr. TwentyTun. Rangeen used some of the Statistical tools that he was taught in class and combined it with some Quant funda given by Shouvik to come up with a magic order of 'extra' Pav. So if any of these guys are in your study group and have a case-study to do then do not trust these specific skills-sets that there outstanding students of ISB have. We also had Mr. Ashwin Rambo who has hit the gym so hard that he has grown muscles even on his ear lobes. Ms. Lisa (refer to pronounciation above & who was temporarily engaged to Mr. Mimoh ) was arguing as to how great food in Kolkata was compared to Mumbai. But she missed the irony that the Mumbaikars sitting on the table were looking well-fed while she was the only one who looked starved. I guess she must have only tasted the great Kolkata food but never eaten it.

Mr. Pankaj Poddar seemed to be in interrogatory mode. He wanted names and he wanted them fast. He was looking for those who had mailed the Core term Profs with their queries. The punishment in store is nothing less than capital. So all you loons who are guilty of this, this is your chance to run away as far as possible and hide yourself in the jungles because Mr. Poddar is coming to get you. This is the CLUB that you are most like to get.

The summit had to come to an premature end as the second half classes were about to begin.

And then there were Managers !

I had a very very weird dream last night. I felt I was in one of the world's top Business Schools - lets call it the Institute of Management Excellence. I saw that the students there were supposedly highly capable and mature ( The dream was hazy but I am guessing that the school had some work ex requirements). Initially the dream looked all rosy. I felt strangely good about it. Soon cracks began to surface in the dream.

You know what the problem is with having too many capable people at one place ? They are all trying to book some space for themselves. They have forgotten the fact that getting to that top school itself signifies that they were achievers. But everybody seemed to be hell-bent on hijacking whatever little space was available and establishing how great they were. They were trying to be Leaders. But a good leader is a great listener. But the scene was so pathetic that I saw none of the leaders even trying to 'listen'. I happened to barge into one of the Club meetings. I expected some serious action there but all I saw was a desperate sales pitch. One of the people who was supposedly mature (considering about a decade of experience) was asking people to guess the salary as per the latest payslip. 

In one more club meeting that I happened to barge into I saw people arguing against including one of the spouses as a guest lecturer. Why ? Because she is not a student. They had a better idea - talk about themselves. Splurge on self-indulgence. They wanted to talk about what they had done - coming from people who have not even spent 5 years in the industry. I say c'mon, how pathetic do you want to get. 

In whatever I can recollect of the dream it seemed like a really big school. People were already divided into Sections. Then I saw all the supposedly mature adults clustering and ghettoing hoping their individual inefficiencies would probably be covered up by the group as a whole. I also saw some section meets happening. Only loud ones were having things their way. No effort was seen to include or even consider the opinion of others.  The right to decision-making hand been handed on a platter to these 'wise' people. Every thing smacked of politics and opportunism. Some of the people were even organizing night-outs in the town. Taking an initiative is great but then not taking it anywhere further is sad. Everybody is out there to score brownie points. I saw only the sensible people sitting back and waiting for all these wanna-be dudes and dudettes to settle down.  

And yes, they were supposed to be future managers - the leaders of their field - future leaders of a country of 1 billion people and cant even behave mature enough in front of a audience thats not even 0.001 % - forget about being able to actually manage anything. Chaos and opportunism seemed to be the order of the day.

By this time I was tired of my dream and luckily woke up. I am so happy that I am at Indian School of Business and not any Tom, Dick and Harry's Institute of Management Excellence. I hope people here not what I saw in my dream ! Dont expect them to be !

Journey Home !

After changing my status from Ashley dude to ex-Ashley dude on close of working hours on Feb 20th, I finished my packing & got set to go home on 22nd. I was really looking forward to the vacation as this would be a good & decently long one I had after a long time. I had two heavy bags and a laptop (Thank God ! I had already shifted a lot of luggage home last christmas).

Well Mumbai is different than nearly all other cities. You start about 2 hours early and you still are not sure if you will reach the airport / railway station / bus stand on time - the city is so god-damn unpredicatble. My train was at 2.30 pm from Thane so I started at about 12.30 from my place. I had to first take a Auto and get to the Borivali Bus stand. I managed to find one right in front of my building gate. Stage 1: Accomplished ! I reached the bus stand by about 12.45pm and found the half-empty bus waiting. Boy ! This was my lucky day !


I got into the bus with my huge backpack, the suticase & laptop. I must have hit nearly all the passengers sitting at the aisle. I probably hit the world record for the maximum number of "Sorry" in a minute. It was almost like I was a AK-47 which had run out of bullets, so it was spraying "Sorry" all over the place. Considering my luggage I went and sat at the last seat but not without a Uncle trying to screw my happiness by pushing me and throwing in some taunts "to taste". Somebody must have forgotten to tell him that the entire bus goes to Thane and not just the last seats. So even if he sat a minute or two late he would still get a last seat and reach Thane. Finally I settled down and got slightly comfortable despite the terrible heat and the nauseating Uncle who probably had last cleaned his armpits when he spotted the Hailey's comet.

So I reached Thane station by 1.30 pm. An hour to go ! So in without a hiccup. Unfortunately my bags were real heavy, the sun was too cruel and the train would arrive at only Platform number 7. So I plodded my way through to the station, climbed the overbridge at Platform no.1 and got down at Platform no. 7. It took me ages to get there. And it was not done ! My coach would be stopping at the other end of the platform ! Aaarghhh ! By the time I reached the spot it was almost 2.25pm and I looked like someone who had carried a lifetime on his shoulders.

Train came and I hopped in. The momentum of the heavy backpack pushed me well into the Coach. Thank god the AC was working. I reached my seat and found three generations sitting in the same compartment. They asked me if I could shift to a seat they had on the other end of the Coach. I obliged happily but made sure it looked like a supreme sacrifice and a favour. Unfortunately I gambled away my Upper berth for a Middle berth. Now I was at the mercy of others as to when I could crash !

In my compartment there were two other girls - Ms. Brown eyes & Ms. Curly Hair. Ms. Brown Eyes did all the customary goodbyes at the station to her family and friends. Ms. Curly Hair was more worried about the dripping Coconut Oil from her hair. After the train started moving both of them decided to settle down. They arranged space for a endless number of bags - Big ones, small ones, shiny ones and fancy ones - it seemed like they had packed for a lifetime. Soon Ms. Brown Eyes took out a sheet of paper. My peeping Tom instincts ensured that I had seen the opening line well enough to know that it was a sentimental love letter-cum-good bye from her boyfriend. He seemed to have his homework well. He had googled the Top 10 or 100 (watever !) love quotes of all times and then conenction them with bullshit. So much for originality in Love ! Ms. Brown Eyes was all tears and I am like - WTF since she was wetting my blanket and pillow! Ms. Curly Hair probably felt that she was being left behind in this Oscar winning emotional drama, so she took out her cellphone and started looking at what seemed to me her boyfriend's pic. The floodgates had opened and my bedsheet had to pay a price for it.

I chucked the bedsheet away and took out my laptop to watch LOST. But as soon as I opened it suddenly Mr. Baake Bihari comes along from God-knows-where and tells me "Maine bhi Business ke liye Chota Kamputar liya hai ! Aap humko use operate karna sikha denge !" and I am like "Aap kaun hai?" to which he replies "Humare paas bhi ek laaptap hai. humko use chalana sikhaiye!". I bluntly replied "Mujhe sirf personal laptop chalana aata hai. Business laptop nahin aata!" He picked the clue and went away without testing my sarcasm anymore !

At this point of time Ms. Brown Eyes and Ms. Curly Hair had run out of tears to shed. They decided to technically challenge my laptop with their Ipod and they turned on "Slumdog Millionaire". I got bugged and I put off my Laptop without any furthet ado. This was not gonna be my day ! I was so wishing that I had Flying powers !

I got my special Misery top-up late in the evening when a Bottle of water fell on me from the top. And as luck would have had it, the cap was loose and I was wet. So much for havin' taken the shower in the morning ! Rest of the evening passed off without much glitches. Woke up next day morning at my destination fully confident that nothing else can compound my misery now.

But Fate has nothing to do with fairy tales ! As luck woould have it the approach road was undergoing repairs. So I had to lug my luggage for about half a km more. Reached home and found my Mom waiting for me like she always would - with a huge smile on her face. My Mom, I tell you, is like Jaya Bachchan of K3G ! She will know from a km that I am coming ! A warm hug greets me at the door along with the list of items that had been prepared for Breakfast for me ! Yummy ! Makes all the torture totally worthwhile !



There is no place on Earth like home !

Final Mumbai Binge !

On 20th Feb, exactly 3 months after Nov 20 (the day that I got into ISB) I was relieved on close of working hours from Ashok Leyland. The feeling was strange as this was my first job. I had never resigned before. I got a small send off from my department colleagues with a lunch at a expensive Chinese joint. My farewell couldnt happen on 20th as my Boss and colleagues got caught with more than just a few things outside office. But my boss called me and requested me to come the next day morning because they all wanted to give me a proper farewell. The feeling was overwhelming considering my company is not too good on farewells to those who seek separation.

I hung in a bit late that day in office to just soak in the feeling. My ex-roommate-cum-buddy Anirudh aka Nandu and my junior Anand aka Raju too hung in with me. My ISB treat was due and they wanted one from me tonight. Although I am a teetotaller, I decided to throw a booze party for them. I was also expecting one other close budddy of mine Puneet aka Fudhi who too was in the city for his NITIE interview.

Since Fudhi was unreachable, Nandu, Raju & me went straight from Office to a place called Green in Shivaji Park after consulting my ISB buddy Ashwin. We had just finished the first round of drinks when Fudhi called. We decided that we would all meet up at the Airport and then hit a booze joint from there. At the airport our cab was stopped by the security who suspected us of being terrorists. I realize that I terrorize people in the virtual world but I got perfectly innocent looks to camouflage that in Real life. So we got off and met Fudhi.

None of us had any idea of where to go to so I decided to call my other ISB buddy no. 2 Shishir aka Restless. Voila ! He was at a booze joint too along with his cousin and Shouvik (ISB buddy no. 3). So we all met up at Spirit, had booze (not me .. I had Nimbu Paani) and talked about a wide range of topics including Ragging. Fudhi had a flight to catch at 12.45am so we dropped him off to a rickshaw at 12.15 which ferried him to the airport. We hung on for some more time and left only when the Spirit bouncers threw us out at Shutter downing time.

As usual Restless was not done. He wanted to hop onto another bar and continue boozing but we managed to convince him on Juhu beach. Restless, Nandu & me hopped onto a Ric while Shouvik & Raju climbed the bike. On the way from "Spirit" to Juhu beach Restless was at his Atychari best. He let the booze do all the talking and totally the Autowala's brain off. To diversify he stopped the auto midway and chewed off a Cigarette seller's brain with philosophy and bullshit. Though I am a extremely patient man, Restless was now beginning to get on my nerves. I wanted to get out of the auto and hit him on the head with the Cigarette wala's thaila and then stuff his nose with three stubs of Goldflake light. But somehow he rode on his luck, spared the Ciggi-wala and hopped onto the Rick and we managed to reach Juhu beach.

Instead of simply paying the Auto fellow, Restless decided to give him some gyan of Dil n other unrelated Durachar. I was now looking for a sharp instrument to castrate him and donate his balls for research on crushed Testicles. His luck again intervened. The Police jeep came there and asked what we were doing. Restless was quick to say "Sir, hum dil ki baat kar rahe hain" and I was thinking to myself "Main toh iske T**te fodne ke baare mein soch raha hoon". The Police sensed that we were nothing but drunk meddling kids so asked us to get onto the auto and Scram. Restless wouldnt still budge. Only the sight of the Pandu charging with his stick did Shishir change his mind and hop onto the Auto.

Well Mumbai police is smarter than the average police force. Just to make sure we didnt come back they followed us (read chased us) but Restless did it again by stopping the Auto midway much to my displeasure. Now I had lost it and gave him a piece of my mind. Before I could separate him from his nipples the Police van zeroed in on us again. We scrammed before they go to us. We went a long way and took a U-tuen. Dropped the auto and hid in a corner where we met Shouvik & Raju. Then we walked to the beach where we were once again warned by another set of policemen again. In the meanwhile Restless endlessly apologised to me. I told him that I was cool but it was time to call off the night. After some customary snaps we split.

Raju, Nandu & me took an auto. Raju was gonna crash for the night at Nandu's place. They reached their house soon after. Nandu's wife was asleep. Nandu had the freaking wind knocked out of his sails when he saw that the time was 4am. He had told his wife he would be late but 4am was way too late. Poor thing must have waited for him very long before she fell asleep. So Nandu knew that he was gonna be in for a loooonnnnggggg day in the morning. So much for a night out !

But the night was fun ! Extremely crazy in parts and extremely funny in others !