Mr. Lalu Prasad Yadav has done it again. Keeping the interests of the nation in his mind he has declared that he would give election tickets to only those who produce jail certificate. After this announcement the inmates of major jails (in India and abroad) were rejoicing. Daku Kaidi Singh, housed at Tihar Jail has declared that this Saturday night's drinks were on the house.
This announcement has had far-reaching repercussions. Here are some of them:
1. Osama bin Laden is now contemplating surrendering. Even his fellow Al-Qaida dudes are willing to lay down their underwear bombs. Even Bush has demanded that he be tried for crimes against humanity.
2. SPS Rathore now wants his bail to be cancelled and is planning to surrender. He now claims to have molested his wife on their honeymoon and now wants to be tried for that also.
3. Lot of Aussies have been flocking different police stations claiming to have carried out racist attacks on Indians. In fact the Deputy PM has now retracted her earlier statement on the whole attacks and now said "We are still ascertaining the nature of crime that needs to be charged to these people. Jail certificates cant be given just for any crime."
4. There were reports of infighting within the BJP as to who wants to own up the responsibility for Babri demolitions. People like Advani and Rajnath who are not hopeful of a party ticket in the next elections are the frontrunners in the race.
5. The Bar Council of India has demanded that Lalu make it mandatory that all jail certificates be notarised since the business opportunity is this is huge. Apparently they are busy figuring out the likely segments in the market and deciding on the pricing strategy.
6. The number of applications for huge number of vacancies for the post of the Jailer have rocketed in the past 24 hours. Lalu is rumored to have asked the IIT council to conduct a entrance test for these people. IIM Council are extremely disappointed considering there was a huge opportunity to make further mess in the political scenario and add to chaos with their online CAT.
7. Mukesh Ambani has decided against filing any more cases against Anil Ambani until the elections.
8. All the IAS babus have been calling up Tehelka to come and shoot a sting operation on them and broadcast it everywhere (even on Youtube).
9. Ex-PM Deve Gowda has demanded he too be tried for abusing current Karnataka CM B.S. Yeddyurappa. He has shown TV footage of different channels as evidence of the same. The CM's office denied all this and claimed that Gowda was doing this at the behest of Sonia Gandhi to weaken his party in Bihar.
10. This would be for the first time that all members of Lalu's family would be eligible for an election ticket.
11. There are also rumors of Madhur Bhandarkar making Jail-2 to capture all of this. I hope he gives me a Title Credit.
12. IIPM plans to release a full page ad on Times of India saying that they will now offer Jail Certificates instead of B-School degrees. They are promising a tour of European jails as an incentive.
13. Ramalinga Raju claims he knew about this all along. This was why he confessed to his crimes so that he could start early and build a stronger resume for election tickets.
14. This is also Laluji's ploy for attracting and bringing Dow Chemicals (owners of Union Carbide of Bhopal Gas Tragedy fame) to India.
15. Lastly, across all B-Schools a large number of people have been claiming of violating Honor codes (plagiarism, copying assignments) and have demanded their respective Deans / Directors to send them to Jail since the job prospects are brighter on the other side of the law.
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