Dear Gilly Chacha

I read excerpts of your soon-to-be-published book in all newspapers. And I found it deeply mota-vating i.e. it was so much crap that I didnt feel like anything shitty for the next two days.

Your motive is clean: to boost sales of your book - a noble thought ! But Gilly chacha masala was less !! We public want more tadka in the books to be attracted to read it। Also with more spice more reporters (newspaper and TV) would have allotted more space/air time to your stuff about culture। My invaluable expert advice below:

1. You should have accused Tendulkar of approaching you for fixing a match and offering you a complimentary vada-pav at his restaurant.

2. You should have accused Bhajji of being racist by calling Symmo "Bandar", Clarke "Pilla" and you "Billy".

3. Tendulkar and Bhajji forgot to tell you that they dont shake hands after coming from toilet. You should have said they are forgetful (and not sore losers).

4. You should have emphasised on cultural difference by saying that while Indians use low floor "Sandas" the aussies use Western style toilets.

5. You should have disclosed that Michael Clarke was the epitome of Gandhigiri. He belives in playing hard (to get out) and standing his ground even when the catch is taken at 2nd Slip unless Umpire gives him out.

6. You should have written that Punter chacha had swapped the Bucknor Chacha's spectacles which is why he was umpiring exceptionally at Sydney. ICC could have implemented this elsewhere on trial basis.

7. You should have accused Bhajji of being gay and making passes at Lee chacha when he patted the bat against Lee's Butt.

8. I hope you have mentioned a lot more about the Sydney Test hearing as how yourself were honest in making different admissions in front of Match refree and appeals commissioner, how Clarke's admission was wrongly deemed "dishonest" and how Symmo was playing in sportmans spirit.

9. You should have also disclosed how Bhajji was hiding his baldness in the name of religion by wearing turban.

These are only some of the pointers। There are lot more. Maybe you can plan a sequel for the book and we can sit together and write it perfectly.

Regards

VS