Salute the 'Real' Heroes

26/11 Terror has shaken not only India but the world itself barring 9/11 like never before. Bomb blasts have never stopped the Maximum city in its tracks. Everytime a bomb blast happened the spirit of Mumbai was back up the very next morning in full steam. 

But this attack has been so different purely because of its cold-blooded nature. But thanks to a few Heroes things couldnt get any worse. This post is aimed at thanking the 'real' Heroes as mentioned below:

1. Politicians: Though our politicians are always dignified in their conduct but this time they took the cake. Banners all over Mumbai 'saluting the martyrs' in which photographs of politicians were larger than the 'martyrs' themselves. Even in moments like this all they could do was blame each other. The Dy. CM of Maharashtra also went to the extent of declaring that this attack was only a minor issue. Our Narendrabhai had even declared 1cr as aid even before the operations were anything close to getting over. Politicians are model role models as to how one must try and extract mileage from any tragedy.

2. Visual Media: Our responsible media was at its best during the entire episode. They excelled in sensationalizing tragedy. They reported in a absolute sensitive manner by showing scant respect to survivors ,dead people and their bereaving relatives. They helped the entire saga get more interesting by giving away the location of our security forces in the building. They helped reduce the population of India by abetting the murders of some of our Top Security personnel. 

3. Balasaheb Kaka : A special mention. The Sainiks dont think twice before vandalising any place but were no where to be seen during the ghastly attacks. Maybe they dont have the experience to fight when opposite person is unarmed. In that case can somebody request terrorist to come unarmed next time or ask Mumbai people to carry weapons. Sainiks can be as good as NSG. 

4. Raj Chacha: A special mention again. He didnt seem to have an issue over the NSG being airlifted from Delhi and if I am not wrong none of the NSGs were Marathi Manoos. So none of the MNS guys interfered in the operation. But next time please request that any anti-terror operation in Maharashtra will have to be carried out by Marathi Manoos only. Also please take up with ISI / LeT suitably to ensure that any terrorist attacks on Maharashtra will be carried out by Marathi Manoos only.  

5. Pakistani Army / ISI / Govt. : You risked your reputations by sending these terrorists. So you too are a hero. On the battlefield you are reputed to the proverbial losers who run off with tails tucked between the legs. But the terrorists didnt let you down. When one of them was caught he said "I want to Live!". So did the hundreds of innocent you killed but I guess you couldnt hear them because of the sound of the guns you were firing.

There are a lot of heroes but these stood out. So I made my gratitude to them public.

Dear Raj Chacha

I fully support your "Divide the country" policy. Soon Maharashtra will consist of only Marathis. But then what political issues will you take up and garner votes when next election comes? Here are my suggestions which should keep you going for next 60 years atleast: 1. We should teach our kids that if he is second in class, he shouldn't study harder but just beat up the student coming first and throw him out of the school. 2. Parliament should have only Delhiites as it is located in Delhi. 3. Prime Minister, President and all other leaders should only be from Delhi. 4. No Hindi movie should be made in Mumbai. Only Marathi movies must be made here. 5. Buses, trains, flights should be stopped at every state border and staff should be changed to local men. 6. All Maharashtrians working abroad or in other states should be sent back as they are 'snatching' employment from locals. 7. Lord Shiva, Ganesha and Parvati should not be worshiped in our state as they belong to north (Himalayas). 8. Visits to Taj Mahal should be restricted to people from Uttar Pradesh (UP) only. 9. Relief for farmers in Maharashtra should not come from Centre because that is the money collected as tax from whole of India, so why should it be given to someone in Maharashtra? 10. Let us support Kashmiri militants because they are right in killing and injuring innocent people for the benefit of their state and community. 11. Let us throw all MNCs out of Maharashtra. Why should they earn from us? We will open our own Maharashtra Microsoft, MH Pepsi and MH Marutis of the world. 12. Let us stop using cellphones, emails, TV, foreign Movies and dramas. James Bond should also speak Marathi. Hope my brilliance benefits you like it did everybody else. Regards VS

Dear Gilly Chacha

I read excerpts of your soon-to-be-published book in all newspapers. And I found it deeply mota-vating i.e. it was so much crap that I didnt feel like anything shitty for the next two days.

Your motive is clean: to boost sales of your book - a noble thought ! But Gilly chacha masala was less !! We public want more tadka in the books to be attracted to read it। Also with more spice more reporters (newspaper and TV) would have allotted more space/air time to your stuff about culture। My invaluable expert advice below:

1. You should have accused Tendulkar of approaching you for fixing a match and offering you a complimentary vada-pav at his restaurant.

2. You should have accused Bhajji of being racist by calling Symmo "Bandar", Clarke "Pilla" and you "Billy".

3. Tendulkar and Bhajji forgot to tell you that they dont shake hands after coming from toilet. You should have said they are forgetful (and not sore losers).

4. You should have emphasised on cultural difference by saying that while Indians use low floor "Sandas" the aussies use Western style toilets.

5. You should have disclosed that Michael Clarke was the epitome of Gandhigiri. He belives in playing hard (to get out) and standing his ground even when the catch is taken at 2nd Slip unless Umpire gives him out.

6. You should have written that Punter chacha had swapped the Bucknor Chacha's spectacles which is why he was umpiring exceptionally at Sydney. ICC could have implemented this elsewhere on trial basis.

7. You should have accused Bhajji of being gay and making passes at Lee chacha when he patted the bat against Lee's Butt.

8. I hope you have mentioned a lot more about the Sydney Test hearing as how yourself were honest in making different admissions in front of Match refree and appeals commissioner, how Clarke's admission was wrongly deemed "dishonest" and how Symmo was playing in sportmans spirit.

9. You should have also disclosed how Bhajji was hiding his baldness in the name of religion by wearing turban.

These are only some of the pointers। There are lot more. Maybe you can plan a sequel for the book and we can sit together and write it perfectly.

Regards

VS

'Raj'niti of Maharashtra Nav-tod-fod Sena !!

The last few days at Mumbai have been tense with Raj Thackeray's tirade against North Indians. I wouldnt wanna comment whether he is right in his thinking or not but the means he is using is definitely not right. As expected there is a uproar in the political circles against him. But what he is doing is anything new?

BJP, Shiv Sena, VHP and Bajrang Dal have been doing it since inception in the name of "Ram" and moral policing! What about Godhra, the recent violence in Orissa & Karnataka ? Were they 'acts of God' ? Were you not doing what Raj is doing? Was your intention any different than dividing the country?

Congress has been doing it though they have been smart enough to orchestrate the same behind the scenes. What was the reason for OBC reservations? Betterment of the people? or cheap votebanks ? Even at the cost of meritous students ! You go around claiming to be a champion of the masses but in reality you are nothing but glorified pimps willing to sell the country in the name of votes so that you can loot the government coffers and fill yours and send your 'meritous' children to US/UK to study.

RJD probably has the highest number of murderers in the party but hats off to them that they have the audacity to come out in public and ask the govt. to book Raj for murder. Thats the RJD way of saying "Welcome to the Club ! Now you are like one of us!". Everybody seems to be missing the point here. Why are people of Bihar forced to look for employment outside the state? Its because the Bihar politicians have thrived on keeping its masses poor & uneducated.

All this is a case of pot calling tthe kettle black. Politicians have thrived on divisive policies and violence to score cheap points. No matter who wins its the common man who loses. He is parts of "Tum hame vote do, Hum tumhe Takleef denge" offer. He offers his votes and the return favour is that he is beaten, has his cars vandalised, bikes burned, shops looted, wives and sisters raped .. in short his life is disrupted !

Time to do the ulta ! Common man should come to streets and start beating up politicians because he is not getting his roti, kapda or makaan ! Politicians have no idea on how they are damaging the country through their mindless cheap tricks to get votes. And they call themselves leaders ! Irony at its vey best !

Maximum City ! Maximum shock !

I have stayed in different places in India. But the culture shock when I moved to Mumbai in 2007 was unmatched. Mumbai is not more crowded than Chennai or even Calcutta, during peak hours. But I quickly found out that it’s always “peak hour” in Mumbai. I wondered if people ever got comfortable with perpetual rush hour - 21 hours a day. Also the people around here always seem to be in a hurry. Nobody seemed to have time to exchange pleasantries.  

 The distances seemed endless. In any other city I would have been out of the city within an hour. Here it took me 2 hrs just to reach my office. I was also shocked by the extreme poverty and ridiculous opulence standing side by side in Mumbai. Walking down the street, I am likely to pass someone who earns nothing, then someone earning Rs. 100 a day, then someone earning Rs. 20000 a day.

 My biggest - and least expected - culture shock happens when I went back to my native city – Mangalore. Everything around seemed to be moving a snail’s pace. It took me three days to get over how fast life is in Mumbai.

 All in all, it does take a while to adjust to being in Mumbai but rest assured, most people start feeling more comfortable after a couple of weeks. Before long I found myself falling into a love-hate relationship with the maximum city, its frustrations and its strange appeal.